How A New Baby Affects Your Toddler's Sleep
Baby sleep expert Dana Obleman (http://www.sleepsense.net/youtube) explains some steps parents can take to keep their toddler sleeping well when a new baby joins the family.
Transcript: Having three children myself, I know full well that there is a little bit of a transition time when a new baby arrives. My best piece of advice is to put your guilt away about this. I’ve seen so many people who feel guilty about their toddler feeling left out or feeling badly about another baby being there.
When they feel guilty, they start to let their boundaries shift and slide all over the place. He’s throwing a little tantrum. You feel badly and give in to that. Pretty soon everything that you’ve worked hard to establish with that toddler will be out the window. They’ll be running the show. You’ll be giving in all over the place. It’s a very scary place for a toddler to be.
They are already feeling insecure because there is a new person in the house. Now they’re feeling more insecure because rules that used to be the rule aren’t anymore.
They don’t know which end is up or what’s going on. By giving into guilt about this, you will just make matters worse. You’ll end up making your toddler feel more insecure than they already are. I know that’s not what any of my viewers want to see happen. You’ve got to hang on tight. Rules have to stay rules. Bedtime has to stay bedtime.
No, you may not sleep with us just because the baby is. It’s just not the way things are going to work. And put your guilt aside.
Now, that doesn’t mean you can’t carve out some special time in your day for your toddler, that it’s just you and him or maybe you go out for ice cream, just the two of you. Or you spend half an hour reading stories together, just the two of you. Because you want to remind your toddler that he’s a very important part of your life, that your love for him or her has not changed at all, and you need to make some special time in your time for your toddler. Or they will start to become a bit jealous or crave attention.
The tricky part about toddlers is, when they’re craving attention, they usually act out in a negative way, because that old saying, “Even negative attention is still attention.” That tends to…You’ll probably see some behavior start to slip and slide a little bit. But again, don’t give in to that either. It’s not OK to give into a tantrum just because a new baby’s in the house.
Now, another thing that toddlers tend to do is regress, either in their sleep habits or in their potty training habits. So, again, my advice is to hang on tight. If you’re getting some push back around bedtime, or you’re getting some night wake ups out of the blue, you really need to stay strong and consistent. You need to go to bed, there’s no negotiating around bedtime. If you face a bit of protest or push back for a few nights, that’s just the way it’s going to be.
I can even remember my oldest son, just having a total conniption at nap time one day, right out of the blue. This is the child who slept well, of course. I did feel bad, but I had to hang on tight, I couldn’t let him not have a nap or give into that.
The good news is it’ll blow over. As your toddler gets used to a new baby in the house, their behavior will come back. The good news is that almost all toddlers don’t take out any aggression or jealousy on the baby. They’re usually really smitten with the baby. They love to see it and touch the baby and be around the baby.
That’s something to be pleased about is that your toddler will actually really enjoy the baby. It’s just that they’ll seek out your attention in other ways. They might start some bad behaviors.
So, keep your consistency. If you’ve got a mother-in-law in the house with you helping out, you’ve got to make sure that she understands, too, that rules have to be rules and schedules have to stay schedules and everything has to work just like it always did.
And give it, I’d roughly say three months, the first three months can be a little bit of a transition time. But again, it’ll get easier as the days go on and pretty soon, you’ll be wondering how you ever got along with just one.
Thanks for watching today, and good luck with your new babies. Sleep well.
